All Sorts of Roadblocks
Warmest greetings to you,
I believe I am aware of my Twin Flame, and it is the most unusual, yet comforting relationship I have ever known.
In 2008, I was going through some rough times in my life. My boyfriend at the time and I were having severe problems with communication, power struggles, and even physical abuse. I was severely depressed until I had a cataclysmic event happen to me. I went to the grocery store alone one night and as soon as I turned into the salad-dressing aisle…time slowed. My heart pounded outside of my chest, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. There was a young man who stood in front of me and he was visibly shaken. The other people in the aisle looked at us and went away…it was like time sped up around us and we were in a bubble that had no time.
We both ran away from each other and I realized the next day that I needed to work on myself because I knew I had to prepare for something. What I felt at that moment was what I know now to be an activation of heart chakra…at that time I just felt love.
Two weeks later I had an appendectomy and they found endometriosis covering my insides. The doctor said I couldn’t have children. So, I took up acupuncture, started exercising and eating healthy. My boyfriend couldn’t take it so he left and moved back northeast to live with his mother.
We had been together for 6 ½ years and I blamed myself for everything. I slipped, again, into depression. I didn’t understand what was going on because I had premonitions about having a child with him since we met. My life consisted of drug-use, drinking, and even mild hoarding. I would go to work, come home, shower, smoke, and listen to music or watch movies. It’s all I did.
Eventually, all that music listening led me to youtube. One night I glanced over at the “music recommended for you” section and something caught my eye. I wondered who this particular musician was (I’ll just call him David), so I clicked on the video to listen. I love music without words and his was of that sort…and at the first listen…my heart just…stopped. I asked myself “Who is this man?!” Then, thoughts ran over me like “Oh, no I’ll bet he lives in Australia or somewhere so far away”. I searched…and I found out that he lived in the city I was living in at the time!
Soon after discovering his music it was posted on his website that he would be doing a free concert in the next state over for the upcoming fall.
So, as broke and depressed as I was, I made a trek on over to see this free concert he was doing with some of his kindred-spirits.
I get to the concert venue…there are people flowing in and out…and I see all of his music equipment set up but no sign of him. I look around, find myself a seat and just take in the environment.
All of a sudden, a voice called my name in my head like a whisper of a man; I then look over to the entryway and HE had entered into the room. I cannot possibly explain this experience for it was abstract, beyond words and beyond this world. Beyond what happened at the grocery store…beyond anything I could ever fathom. I felt like one of those carnival games where someone has a gavel and has to hit a target to ring the bell. My bell was a ringin’!
He then stands in the room…and BAM! His eyes are right on mine and our souls are Dancing above the crowd…it was magical, surreal. I then somehow was able to see what other people were doing, and they were all turning around to see what...or in this case…WHO he was staring at! I felt a magnetic pull.I HAD to get the courage to talk to him later that evening. I just had to.
I approached him. He invited me to dinner during the concert break. I declined (fear-based, and I had $4 to my name).
His final set in the evening was a serenade for me. It was like he knew I was coming and made a song just for me. It’s not in any of his albums. I don’t want to be vulgar and raunchy, but the energy was so raw and sexual, yet so spiritual and beyond it was like he made love to me through the song.
After the concert we sat down in the venue, in our bubble and had intimate conversation. We both were sitting next to each other like two teenagers in love. People were watching us now that I remember…witnessing all of this.
Most of it is a blur to me…I tried to stay grounded and focused, constantly saying in my head "I have to remember this, I need to". He talked to me about Kundalini, feeling my energy, how there were “No words to describe…this feeling” and all kind of things that were beyond me at the time. He then mirrored my fears and said them aloud to me! I remember thinking in my head, "He’s 30 years older", and he said aloud, "You know, I didn’t always look like this hahaha---".
Then I said in my head, "He has a wife." And he said aloud, "You know, I rarely see my wife anymore. We’re separated." I said stop reading my mind and he smirked. It was interesting that his friend, a professional photographer was there taking pictures of us, together.
At the end of our conversation which only seemed like it lasted 5 minutes (versus the hour it was), he invited me back to the hotel with his friends. This is where my biggest fear kicked in. I wanted to BE with him…I knew what would happen if I went (we’d blow a hole in earths atmosphere and enter into some tantric Kundalini vortex portal of bliss), so, I declined (what’s wrong with me?!). He asked me why. I made up the stupidest excuse ever.
Really it all boiled down to an ingrained set of religious morals. Then he gave me his private e-mail, and he said, "You’ll e-mail me right?" "Of course", I said.
So I did…(we just talked about our experiences, and he gave me some tools to help me on my path…”food for my soul” he called it).
Fast forward to spring 2010, I end up pregnant by the ex. Yes…it happened like I knew it was going to. We had ONE brief reunion (it only takes one time, folks) and finally, after becoming pregnant I came to my senses. Funny thing, our child looks more like David than my ex, and was born the day after his birthday.
In the fall of 2010 David had another concert, it was local and venue ambiance was different. At the end of the concert everyone gathered in the front and there was a long line of folks wanting to meet him or say hello, again. I went up to him and just gave him the biggest hug. He then kind of pushed me away…not physically, but with his energy and snapped at me,
"This venue is NOT like the last one".
I felt like he was acting out in pain from seeing me pregnant. Yes…”higher-ups” were there, but I just saw pain and sadness in his eyes (funny thing, a promo-shot of him that night looks like he was going to break down in tears). I said "Well it was good to see you". and I walked away.
I scurried to my car…a wave of emotions engulfed my being. I sat in my car, bawling my eyes out, thinking, "Why am I crying, this is so stupid!" So I grabbed my camera, like a loser groupie…and went back into the venue! My eyes were still red.
I stood at his CD table talking to a really nice young man, and David came over. The young man was having a concert the following evening and asked me to come. David said he would be there.
I didn’t go to the concert. I was sitting on my couch at home and I felt this boulder-like pressure forcing me to stay where I was and not meet him. Time was not right.
I didn’t hear from David again up until last month, it's been 3 years.
I thought I was over my feelings for him…yeah right…they just went under the rug. I even stopped buying his albums to try and ignore it all. I happened to mention his name on a Friday, and on Saturday he e-mailed me stating that,
"I just rediscovered your e-mail".
I said I talked about him the prior day, and he said, "Yes, we’re connected underground".
We talked and he said he had pictures of me from the first concert I went to. I then was reminded what the heck I was doing in the first place…
Making myself better, healthy…for our reunion.
For the last month I have been eating healthy, meditating, working on my self confidence. I no longer hold my head down when I walk. I feel sexy, beautiful, intelligent and goddess-like. He is my mirror, so it makes me excited about the good things coming his way.
I called the ex to tell him I had no hatred or animosity towards him, and that I forgave him and myself for everything.
Now, I’m working on my childhood issues. I feel like 2015 is going to be our reunion…it could come sooner. I told him a lot of things in the last e-mail I sent him, and he hasn’t replied, but that’s okay, I know he is with me. Lots of synchronicities happening in my life now more than ever before.
I’ve had three dreams with him since our contact. In one of them we were just profusely professing our love for one another. It then went to a scene where he and his wife were talking…or arguing. He told her that I was his other half and that the feelings when he met me were similar to that of when they first met…but different. He said that he loved her deeply but he felt this pull. She exclaimed to him, "Well how do you know she’s not FAKING it?! I think you’re going crazy!"
I remember panicking…I’m not faking it! NO! Don’t believe her! I LOVE YOU! But, I couldn’t talk to him…it was like I was hovering above their conversation.
Then in another dream he asked me to marry him and in the following dream we got married, and made beautiful love to each other.
I don’t know if it could ever work, you know, a 30 year old with 60 year old man. (but look at Patrick Stewart and Sunny) don’t want to ruin his marriage. I just want to feel /see him physically in my presence one last time and BE the best that I can be when it happens.
My heart aches. I’m trying to channel it creatively, heal myself, take care of my child and follow my bliss.
I just want to know if you think he is my Twin like I feel he is.