Death of a parent is something we all experience at some point in our lives, and since it took me many years before I dealt with the loss of losing my mother, I write about it here on Beyond Hearing Voices.
Fortunately, for me since I have the ability of hearing voices, I had many conversations with her after her death. And through my acceptance of her death spiritual healing occurred, but I had to go through the grief stages.
No matter how much I tried to prepare myself emotionally, I didn't know how I would feel until it happened.
I thought I would be able to handle her death, and finally be able to enjoy a sense of freedom. My mother was a very controlling influence in my life. I was wrong and totally surprised by my reactions.
Not only was our mother controlling and demanding of her children (three of us) for most of her life, she also felt that her opinions were the only ones that mattered because in her mind she was right.
Even when I was well into my 40’s my mother would call me at a minimum of 5 times a day, and especially before a date to tell me what to wear.
But, I learned to listen rather than argue. I now know that she meant well.
Even after death of a parent, I could hear my mother advising me how to cook meatloaf, and what to wear each day.
After her stroke, she spent 2 years in a health care facility (she needed 24 hour care), I found overcoming grief very difficult. I ran from my emotions which is not good to do in the long run. The longer you avoid your feelings, they fester inside and can eventually make you very ill. To find out how emotions can affect you physically, read my pages on
I received news that my mother had a stroke while I was working in my garden, which was and still is one of my passions, the other is playing music.
I could hear shrill cries from our house. I had no idea what happened. It was my sister crying. The loss of our mother totally devastated her.
Between my sister's choking sobs, I found out that mother had a stroke some time during the morning while my sister was mucking out the horse stalls. Now, our mother was lying unconscious in the hospital.
It was as if time froze.
For the next 5 days, I cried at my mother’s bedside. I felt I was in a bad dream and kept pinching myself to wake up. It was surreal.
As I watched her lying silently in the hospital bed, at times I imagined that she was fooling us by having a long snooze.
There were times when my mother would come and spend a few days with me and just sleep.
She worked hard all her life. Even as a young child, she took care of her parents who spoke no English. Then she married at sixteen and had her first child. My mother was a workaholic.
Since I spent most of my life running from my mother’s controlling influence, I didn't realize how dependent I was on her.
Being raised in a one-parent family, my mother was everything to me…I was the one who wouldn’t let her go.
While mother lay unconscious in the hospital, my partner and my sister pleaded with me and told me that that I needed to let her go, that she was dying. I wouldn’t hear it.
My mother lived on for almost two years, without any use of her physical abilities. Today I don’t know how she did it. I know now that it was because of me she lasted so long - I just wouldn't let her go emotionally.
Finally, one evening when I was preparing to go back to the hospital, my sister phoned and said that she had just left my mother who was sleeping, and that I should stay home that night.
I had a funny feeling in my gut, it was as if I already knew. I wanted to see my mother, it was my daily routine – she was my life line. That might I was restless. When I awoke, I knew she was gone. In the morning, I knew what my partner was going to tell me.
The death of a parent – my mother – left me with a hollow feeling in the center of my being…my foundation was gone. I felt as if I had fallen into a deep, dark pit.
That was back in 1997. I didn’t mourn my mother’s death until after my partner died which was in 2002. It took me a long time to face my mother’s passing. Facing the death of a parent was too painful for me, I had to learn to face my emotions (that was the first phase for me) and my method of coping was to keep busy.
Read how Carmen faced losing her mother at The Healing Process After Losing A Loved One-Part 1 .
We all have to go through it. There is no other way. We are human beings with emotions and feelings and trying to control your emotions does not help you. If you do not accept your feelings nor give voice to them, they will only fester and become stronger.
I advise you to deal with your emotions as they surface, and it will take as long as it takes. The mourning process is different for each one of us.
I was running from my emotions until I had no choice, everyone I loved was gone. I had trouble in accepting death of a parent. You can learn from my mistakes in coping with the loss of my mother.
I write about my experiences and especially all of my conversations with my mother, sister, partner and my spiritual guides in great depth in my first book, "That Damn Voice Again, Communication from Beyond". This book resulted from writing daily in my spiritual journal which was my method of overcoming grief.
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