Facing the Death of a Parent can be Devastating!Death of a parent is something that we will all experience at some point in our lives. And no matter how much you try to prepare yourself emotionally, you don’t know how you will feel when it happens. I was totally unprepared, and was also surprised at my reactions. My older sister and I often talked about what we would do after her death, often joking about having and enjoying a sense of freedom. You see our mother was controlling and demanding most of her life. She felt that her opinions were the only ones that mattered. Even when I was well into my 40’s my mother would call me before a date and tell me what to wear. If you saw my mother’s style of dress, you would laugh, she was no fashion queen. But, I learned to listen rather than argue. I now know that she meant well. The funny thing is that even today, she will advise me what to wear from the other side. For me, coping with the death of a parent was very difficult.
I received news that my mother had a stroke while I was working in my garden. My sister’s shrill cries from our house alerted my senses. She was totally devastated My Mother's StrokeThrough much coaxing, I gathered that she had the stroke some time during the morning while my sister was mucking out the horse stalls, and was lying unconscious in the hospital. It was as if time froze. Everything moved at slow speed, I couldn’t hear what my sister nor Wally said. I spent the next 5 days crying by my mother’s hospital bedside. At some point, it felt surreal. I thought that our mother was fooling us by having a long snooze. You see there were times when my mother was so tired, she would come and spend a few days with me and just sleep. She worked hard from the moment she arose till bedtime. My mother was a workaholic.
I spent most of my life running from my mother’s controlling influence, without realizing that I depended on her.
Running
Being raised in a one-parent family, my mother was everything to me…I was the one who wouldn’t let her go. My partner pleaded with me; my sister kept repeating that she is dying. I wouldn’t hear it. My mother lived on for almost two years, without any use of her physical abilities. Today I don’t know how she did it. I was the one at fault by hanging onto her. Finally, one evening when I was preparing to go back to the hospital, my sister phoned and said that she had just left my mother, that she was sleeping, and that I should stay home that night. I had a funny feeling in my gut, it was as if I already knew. I wanted to see my mother, it was my daily routine – she was my life line…I had a restless night. When I awoke, I knew she was gone. Wally came to me and I knew before he opened his mouth. For me the death of a parent – my mother – left me with a hollow feeling in the center of my being…my foundation was gone. I felt lifeless. That was back in 1997. I didn’t, mourn my mother’s death until after my partner died. That is how long it took me to face my mother’s passing. Facing the death of a parent was too painful for me, and I ran from facing the pain by being busy. Read how Carmen faced losing her mother at Spiritual Journey -The Loss Of A Loved One-Part 1 We all have to go through it. There is no other way. We are human beings with emotions and feelings and trying to control your emotions Not accepting nor giving voice to our feelings is like…being a robot…being lifeless. I was running until I had no choice, everyone I loved was gone. I write about this in great depth in my first book, That Damn Voice Again, Communication from Beyond. Return to recent deaths
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