Encounters With This Man Special, Like A Soul Mate Connection?
I am a college student and have never been in a relationship with any man, and was just wondering if my experience with this man was anything out of the ordinary.
When I first saw him a year ago , it was in the library and I noticed him staring at me. I brushed it off.
A few months later when school started again, I didn't think at all about this man, in fact I was crushing on someone else.
One day when I was walking into the library, I saw my crush entering ahead of me, once I entered the library I tried to catch my crush's attention but to my dismay he didn't even notice me.
Then, I noticed HIS eyes on me, he was near where I was standing, and was smirking at me...at this point I wished my crush would not give me that kind of attention.
Oddly, enough I decided to sit in front of the man who was staring at me , the divider between the desks were low enough so I kept making eye contact with him(for some weird reason)...I found it amusing/weird but mostly tried to avoid his penetrating gaze and continued to think nothing of it.
Then over the course of the semester as a went to the library HE was always there, and whenever I walked in he would always stare at me with this dazed expression, I kind of figured he liked me and was further amused, but also a little weirded out as this was the first time a guy was paying so much attention to me.
I then began running into him everywhere in the halls , he always tried to catch my gaze and for a reason I pretented not to notice him or I avoided eye contact although he made it so obvious.
One day he saw me sitting with my friends on some benches and sat directly across from me. He was talking on his phone, but was staring directly at me the whole time with the biggest smile on his face.
At this point, I was certain this man was pursuing me, but I did not want to talk to him because I knew that my famliy would never approve(religion/cultural conflict... I found out his religion because one of my friends was aquainted with him).
In my mind, if the relationship were to go anywhere there would be many complications and perhaps a lot of heartbreak. Although, I had never talked to him, I don't know why I was thinking about a future with him and all the reasons as to why this future would not work.
I was confused, still did not admit to myself that I was attracted to him and tried to convince myself he was just a creeper( a bit harsh.. I know) and that we would probably had nothing in common anyways although whenever we had eye contact I felt strangely attracted to him.
Then one day, I was sitting in the library and suddenly out of nowhere a man pulls up a chair and sits beside me. I couldn't see this man's face but he felt so familiar. I felt a strange energy/attraction between us, I could also feel this person was very anxious however, I continued to read my textbook.
Then I noticed that when I cleared my throat, he would do the same thing, when I coughed, he would cough and even our breathing was at the same...this freaked me out.
I turned to look and it was HIM. He looked at me at the exact same time with his usual dazed/openmouth expression. I pretended like I had just turned towards him to get up and go to the washroom. When I came back, I tried to ignore him and immerse myself in my book...after some time he got up, made a point that he was leaving as he rather loudly slammed all his books into his backpack while staring at me the whole time...I was speechless and didn't exactly feel like he had any reason to be angry.
Finally, at the end of the semester one day, I went into the library with my friend. He was in his usual spot, but I sat far away still across from him so it was easy to make eye contact.
Everytime I would look up, he would look up and it was kind of awkward, this happend quite a few times until he finally smiled the biggest smile he could muster, even though we were sitting far away from each other , I swear I saw his pupils dilate...But I could also picture a big sign on his forehead that said NO!...in reponse I ended up stupidly shaking my head ( when I tell my friends about this they all laugh).
After doing this, I quickly walked out of the library to get a coffee, I
meet my friend in line, and finally admited to her and myself that I'm attracted to HIM!!!
Since this was the end of the semester, I didn't really see him a whole lot after that, and didn't try to pursue my feelings as I thought winter break would be enough to forgot about this weird incident.
Boy did I think WRONG!!! I couldn't get him outta my head and at the beginning of the second semester, I thought to hell with famliy ideals, religion, society and all that crap, I was going to go talk to him!
However, he didn't come to the library anymore although I always went in hopes of running into him...deep down I knew he wasn't going to be there. The fact that he just disappeared was kind of hard for me, but I had rejected him. So basically, all my friends told me it was my fault...they didnt understand why I didn't pursue him when I had the chance and it was hard for me to explain why I didn't.
However, I did see him a couple of times over the course of the semster. I described him to one of my friends and she told me there was someone who fit that description in one of her classes. I went to the class in hopes of talking to him, but after the class when he was standing near me ( I was walking towards the door and he was waiting to talk to the prof). I had the perfect chance to talk to him. BUT the manner in which he acted made it nearly impossible for me to muster up the courage to walk by him, let alone talk to him. HE didn't even look my way, although he fully well knew I was there as I was standing so close, it was like a big BLOCKAGE come from him, a kind of distant/stay away energy. I felt like even if an earthquake or something happend, he would still keep staring ahead...that's how determined he was to ignore me.
Obviously, this was KARMA, or him having gotten over me, the thing was I wasn't over him, my feelings were just starting.
Although, all my friends told me that I had blown my chance, and I knew it was unhealthy to be obsessed with one person , I couldn't stop thinking about him.
Over the course of the semester, I tried so hard to run into him, to try to send him hints like staring at him like he used to. BUT I just felt like something or other always prevented me from talking to him even when I did see him.
The couple of times I did make eye contact with him and even though nothing was said I felt like so much was being said: familiarity, longing and attraction.
Anyways, according to some sources I'm pretty sure he is done school or going into some program where he won't be around on campus so I was pretty certain I would never see him again which makes me soooooo sad for some reason. I cry, think about him a lot all the while knowing this is foolish, unrational, obessesive, weird behaviour (especially since I don't know him on a personal level!)
Then one day, at the beginning of this month, it was my sister's birthday, and she wanted to go shopping. For some reason, that day I had a weird feeling I should dress up nice when usually I don't really care that much.
I found myself at the store for the first time in my life not in the mood to look at clothes, but instead my eyes were searching for him. I told myself to brush this feeling aside and decide to look at the purses. As I'm aimlessly looking, I tilt my head and see a figure walking towards me...I turn my head to the purses again. I look at the figure again, this time the face and it's his face...think to myslef your hallucinating...look again..he still walking towards me...no wait he walked past me..OMG!
I quickly walk over to my sister, glance around, theres no sign of him, and tell her: WE ARE leaving. Basically, I don't know if I was hallucinating or what,since it would seem so impossible to see him at that store...maybe it was just someone who looked like him.
THE POINT is: I want to move on, I want to shake my head until all his thoughts go away, but so far they haven't. All my friends have told me to stop thinking about it, and that I've lost my chance and will meet a new guy. BUT, I just have a feeling that fate would be too cruel for me to never see him again.
Ultimately, I'm just wondering if this is just some passing crush/obsession type thing or is it something else - soul mate, maybe?