by Shanell
(Louisville, KY)


My name is Shanell and my husband Christopher and I have been separated since May 18th. He went to his friend's wedding and came back totally different - acting cold-hearted to me like I did not know him.

He started talking to someone else, moved out left our house yet he still comes to get the kids. Then he started coming around he's just confused.

I'm confused my question is whether I should sign the papers or not? Do you feel that he will cancel the divorce and come around and will we ever be a family a*gain with more children?

Thank you!

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Oct 28, 2014
by: Shay

Tanya wrote everything I would have also said, but we have minimal information about you so it is hard to say anything.

However, sometimes it helps if you have a good marital counselor to help you both talk a bit. I encourage you to FIND and LOOK for a GOOD marital counselor and tell/speak with him about this issue. A few sessions with a good counselor can be a blessing, someone acting as the middle person.

I also encourage for you to find a Male counselor, as men tend to not want to go to counseling and if it is a male counselor he may feel more comfortable expressing self and feelings. I suggest an individual meeting with the counselor, than let him go individually (not together) so you can both be more open, tell the counselor if you want these sessions to be confidential even from your partner, and tell your partner to tell the same thing, so both of you have a trusting relationship with the Counselor/Therapist. Than the third session go together, and work on what you have in common, decide if you both want to save this marriage, etc...specially when there are children involved.

BUT, no matter what both of you have to be respectful to each other, and not talk badly of each other to the children as children will be effected with your stress and about their own self.

For you to write to Tanya, you must have good intentions and know that God and the Universe will always support you as long as you are being the best you.

Also, as a woman I send you a big hug, and tell you "try not to stress yourself, with or without stress...what will happen, will happen". For the love of the children, be kind, loving and forgiving. We are all human, and we make many mistakes to learn from here on earth, right?

I will say your name in my prayers. Be well and your best,

p.s. I wanted to tell you that you are not the reason for his behavior, if you were he would have told you. So, his battle is within himself, not because of you my dear lady. Don't take anything personally and no matter what he does or decide, forgive him. By forgiving him, you will let go of Anger/Depression also. Forgiveness is for us, so we don't live in resentment, anger, fear, etc. Otherwise, everyone else has to or will come to that day one day to forgive their own selves.



Oct 28, 2014
by: Tanya Tkach, Webmaster

Hello Shanell,

I understand how this is a very upsetting and confusing time for you. I cannot say what is good or bad for you to do, or what your husband plans to do. Usually I do not give advise for couples in a marriage, but in this case, I will give you some suggestions for you to do.

When you said your husband returned from his friend's wedding and was "cold-hearted" towards you as if he did not know you, I feel that he was triggered by something at that wedding, it could be a person or a situation that happened and it brought up a lot of emotions within himself that he may not even understand. If you can get him to talk about what happened, it will help the both of you.

Right now, the important thing is you and your children, and you need to do what is best for you and them.

Without knowing the dynamics in your relationship, I suggest that you sit down and make a list and write out all the things you like about your husband on one side of a sheet of paper and the things that you dislike on the other. I'm saying to do this list to give you an idea if the relationship is worth saving in your estimation.

The next very important thing is to make a list about things that perhaps your husband has done that have hurt you. Once that list is made, it's important that you go within and let go of the things that have hurt you, and forgive him and release your hurt. You can do this with my
releasing technique.

As for signing the papers, I cannot tell you what to do, you have to go within your heart and feel the answer. This is your life and you have to make the decisions that you can live with for you and your children. I believe in faith and now it is time to ask God for help as this is a major decision in your life

Right now many people are troubled with all the changes that are going on around them and in their lives. I believe that change is good, and what is no longer necessary has to be let go. Just as you spring cleaning in your home, you need to do it in your life. I'm referring to habits, beliefs, negative emotions and so on.

You cannot look at your husband with "rosy tinted glasses", you have to be realistic. That is why I suggested that you make your lists in order to see the reality of what is going on between the two of you.

Go within, meditate and pray. You will find your answer.

Sending healing vibrations,

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