Feeling Spirits Since I Was Four
It all has started since my grandmother passed away in front of me when I was 4 years old. I remember that day as if it were yesterday, I'm 33 now.
I think my grandmother had a lot of guilt for passing in front of me. Although I had never heard her voice, but I do sometimes feel her presence. Especially while in bed I can feel the mattress descending as if someone is sitting by me and I can feel when that person gets up. I'm pretty sure its my grandma.
Here's the part that is really bothering me. About 11 years ago after my first daughter was born I ended up pregnant again within 4 weeks. With my first pregnancy I was considered high risk and I had to have an emergency C-section. Because of this my doctor recommended that I have an abortion considering the risks. I did go through with it. The night of the procedure I was laying alone in my bed resting, but I was awake. I saw a little boy walk in my doorway. He didn't even look at me. He walked about 6 feet straight from the doorway and when he reached in front of my dresser he disappeared right in front of my mirror. I felt horrified and a great deal of grief.
I, till this day, question if I did the right thing. What if the doctor was wrong? There has been a few times where I am alone and I would hear a child's voice say "mommy". There's been other times where I would hear the laughter of a child. This spirit obviously is happy to be around me. Because of that, I acknowledge the spirit and let them know I hear them. But all I hear is "mommy" and laughter, which I'm assuming would be the extent of my unborn child's knowledge since I regretfully ended their life in utero.
I have never really told anyone about this experience due the guilty feeling. I have never even wanted to speak with a professional because they would label me as "crazy" and try to get me to take meds for something that is natural.