Healing a broken heart is not as painful as it sounds, but it takes time and involves a process that you need to understand.
It is showing you that you are holding blocked emotions that need to be healed.
The painful emotions of a break-up, or a betrayal need to be expressed and felt now. The longer you hold onto them, the more painful they become.
It is important to accept that it is a loss and you need to go through all the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance...as in losing a loved through death.
You need to feel your feelings now. And you will fall in love again in spite of the fact that you say, "I’m never going to fall in love again.."
You may think at the time that it is entirely the other person’s fault for causing you so much emotional pain, but the pain is within you and you need to deal with that.
Daniel M. Wegner, PhD Harvard University psychology professor, in a report to the American Psychological Association, says, "
Don't try to stop thinking about the other person; contrary to popular thought, that will only keep the embers burning."If you can't get your ex out of your mind, Wegner suggests, just give in to it.
L. Joan Allen, MA, co-author of "Celebrating Single and Getting Love Right", has these suggestions.
Helpful Hints for Healing A Broken Heart
- Do something for someone else such as volunteering. "Giving your time to help someone else helps take your mind off your troubles and makes you feel really good at the end of the day."
- Pamper yourself: take a massage, manicure, fresh flowers, or a weekend getaway to a place you've never explored.
- Adopt a pet. Pets love you unconditionally. If you can't own a pet, then pet sit for friends or volunteer at a local SPCA.
- Keep a journal and write down what you learned from the relationship, what your role in the breakup was (even if you're convinced you were blameless, chances are, you weren't -- at least not completely). Write down what you'll avoid in your next relationship.
- Spend time with friends and family who love you and will nurture you and keep you from feeling lonely.
- Learn something new. Take a class. Start a hobby.
- Think of this time as a new chapter in your life. Start something new, what you are passionate about - make a plan to accomplish a goal ... start a business, go back to school, write a book.
Marriage therapist Isadora Alman advises to keep a mental balance scale to help with healing a broken heart. For every single thought of "how sweet s/he was when s/he did X," onto the other side of the scale goes a "how unlovely s/he was when s/he did Y." "It's important to remember, the bad with the good," says Alman.
More suggestions for Mending Broken Hearts
- Move on. Make a clean break. Don't call your ex.
- Exchange goods. If you have each other's belongings, arrange one time to exchange them at a neutral location.
- Change your routine. Don't give yourself too much time to mope. It's important to establish new activities and schedules.
- Change your look. Get a new hairstyle, buy some new clothes.
- Start an exercise program. Good way to work off emotions.
- Plan a vacation.
- Write down three things you are thankful for every day.
- Visit a therapist to help you put things in perspective.
- Accept all invitations that come your way.
- Attend a religious service and pray.
- Find an outlet for your anger, whether it's meditation, sports, or using your pillow as a punching bag.
You cannot change the nature of the loss of broken hearts. Grief, anger, and frustration are normal reactions to the circumstances. Your feelings are normal - the fact that it could happen again, rage that it happened at all, bouts of being overwhelmed and thinking you can't go on.
Remember that everyone who's ever gotten over a loss at some point thought she or he wouldn't. But you will. And you'll find that you still have that ability to open your heart and love.
How To Release Your Anger
You may be holding anger towards the other person for many reasons. Learn how to release it by reading
letting go of anger
Perhaps he or she was unfaithful. If you are interested in reading more about infidelity, read this page on
healing from infidelity.
In your healing process it is important toforgive in any hurtful situation, especially if you are healing a broken heart. You need to forgive both yourself and the one who hurt you - yourself for carrying the hurt and the other for his or her behavior. Once you can forgive, you have started the process of healing.
Without forgiveness, you cannot move forward. This does not mean that you accept the behavior of the one who has hurt you, but you need to forgive in order to heal yourself.
If you are having trouble forgiving, take a look at Denise Linn's book "If I can Forgive, So Can You". She gives helpful suggestions for you to move forward through the process.
The second step in healing a broken heart involves going within and asking yourself these very important questions,
“Why am I feeling so much pain? Why do I attract people that are always hurting me? Maybe it has something to do with my childhood?”
Painful Emotions From Your Childhood Could
Prevent You From Healing a Broken Heart
This is a good start. Now you must go back and figure out what happened in your past when you were a child - something that was so painful you blocked your feelings for protection.
Perhaps you were rejected by your mother or father, siblings or an aunt, or any care giver, and you swallowed these feelings of rejection which are being triggered by your betrayal at this time in your life. Maybe you didn’t receive the love that you craved as a child and which you crave now in your relationships.
I am not suggesting that you are not supposed to feel the pain of hurt and betrayal when someone has hurt your feelings, but if you are hanging onto these negative feelings for a long time, there comes a time to let them go.
Releasing painful and negative emotions is part of the healing process in order for you to experience joy and happiness in your life, and very importantly to be able to have a loving relationship.
Releasing Feelings of Rejection Aid in Healing A Broken Heart
These are a few suggestions: (1) It is important to release feelings of rejection and lack of love because those are the feelings that are causing you so much pain now. You are projecting your emotions onto the loved one that has left you.
(2) It is important to discover all the painful emotions from your childhood, you need to go back there and to find out the situations that caused you so much pain.
(3) Then, release all of the painful emotions from those forgotten situations because they are in your subconscious and in your cellular memory.
If you need help with this process, I am available through
online spiritual counseling.
Blocked Negative Emotions Cause Pain
These negative emotions get blocked somewhere in your body and cause you physical pain, such as pain in a broken heart.
Healing a broken heart is important if you want to have a healthy body. The undue stress of your painful emotions on your heart could eventually cause you heart trouble down the road. So it is important to release these negative emotions now so that you can move forward into a new relationship.
I will emphasize again the important stages of healing a broken heart:
- the first most important part of healing a broken heart is forgiveness, not only of the person who hurt you but also yourself for carrying painful and hidden emotions within yourself for such a long time;
- the second important stage involves examining your own behavior - the causes and why you tend to choose those who hurt you.
- the third stage involves moving on and using the suggestions listed near the beginning of this page.
If you are in the stages of healing a broken heart, your heart may be going through undue stress. For this reason I am suggesting these 100% natural herbal medicines:
1. From Les Herbes Pures here in Quebec, here are several options:
- black Cohosh
- Blessed Thistle & Lily of the Valley
- E.-W
- Formula #31
- Herbal Adjustment
- H.Y. combination
- Pleurisy Root,
- Scullcap
- S.M.F.-B
- Una De Gato
To find out which herbal tincture is best for you
contact me.
2. From Native Remedies.
Circu-Live supports the healthy functioning of the cardiovascular system, thereby helping to maintain healthy circulation of the blood through veins and arteries to all extremities, adequate oxygenation of the blood to all body tissue and organs, and healthy temperature regulation.
It contains Gingko, Ginger and Rosemary.
Here are other pages concerning physical healing:
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