Important Steps For Healing
A Broken Heart

Healing a broken heart takes time to heal and involves a process that you need to understand.

If your heart feels broken, it is showing you that you are holding blocked emotions, in your heart, that need to be healed.

The painful emotions of a break-up, or a betrayal need to be expressed and felt now. The longer you hold onto them, the more painful they become.

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One of the reasons that you are feeling such heart break is that you are carrying emotions of loss from other situations that you have long forgotten. And now, those forgotten emotions are being triggered making the emotions you now feel so much stronger.

When you are healing from a broken heart, it is important to accept that it is a loss and you need to go through the following stages of grief, the same as if someone close to you has died:

  • denial,
  • anger,
  • bargaining,
  • depression and finally
  • acceptance

You need to accept and feel your feelings now. If you push them aside, they will rear again and much stronger. You will fall in love again in spite of the fact that you say, "I’m never going to fall in love again.."

You may think that it is entirely the other person’s fault for causing you so much emotional pain, but the pain is within you and you need to release those emotions.

Daniel M. Wegner, PhD Harvard University psychology professor, in a report to the American Psychological Association, says, "Don't try to stop thinking about the other person; contrary to popular thought, that will only keep the embers burning." If you can't get your ex out of your mind, Wegner suggests, just give in to it.

L. Joan Allen, MA, co-author of "Celebrating Single and Getting Love Right", has these suggestions.

Helpful Hints for Healing A Broken Heart

  • Do something for someone else such as volunteering. "Giving your time to help someone else helps take your mind off your troubles and makes you feel really good at the end of the day."
  • Pamper yourself: take a massage, manicure, fresh flowers, or a weekend getaway to a place you've never explored.
  • Adopt a pet. Pets love you unconditionally. If you can't own a pet, then pet sit for friends or volunteer at a local SPCA.
  • Keep a journal and write down what you learned from the relationship, what your role in the breakup was (even if you're convinced you were blameless, chances are, you weren't -- at least not completely). Write down what you'll avoid in your next relationship.
  • Spend time with friends and family who love you and will nurture you and keep you from feeling lonely.
  • Learn something new. Take a class. Start a hobby.
  • Think of this time as a new chapter in your life. Start something new, what you are passionate about - make a plan to accomplish a goal ... start a business, go back to school, write a book.

Marriage therapist Isadora Alman advises to keep a mental balance scale to help with healing a broken heart. For every single thought of "how sweet s/he was when s/he did X," onto the other side of the scale goes a "how unlovely s/he was when s/he did Y." "It's important to remember, the bad with the good," says Alman.

More suggestions for Healing A Broken Heart

  • Move on. Make a clean break. Don't call your ex.
  • Exchange goods. If you have each other's belongings, arrange one time to exchange them at a neutral location.
  • Change your routine. Don't give yourself too much time to mope. It's important to establish new activities and schedules.
  • Change your look. Get a new hairstyle, buy some new clothes.
  • Start an exercise program. Good way to work off emotions.
  • Plan a vacation.
  • Write down three things you are thankful for every day.
  • Visit a therapist to help you put things in perspective.
  • Accept all invitations that come your way.
  • Attend a religious service and pray.
  • Find an outlet for your anger, whether it's meditation, sports, or using your pillow as a punching bag.

My Suggestions For Healing a Broken Heart

This is a good time to focus on yourself:

  • Start your bucket list now and do the things you have always wanted to do, but never had the time
  • Work on yourself, focus on your issues, on your life lessons, reconnect with your spiritual side
  • Start a journal, read spiritual journal
  • Start a business

When my heart was broken, part of my process in healing a broken heart was giving all my energy and time into my new business and my profits soared, and going to the gym every day. Furthermore, I did all the suggestions that I've entered here and they work. But the most important one of all is releasing your hurtful feelings of loss, rejection, betrayal so they don't fester inside.

You cannot change the nature of the loss of broken hearts. Grief, anger, and frustration are normal reactions to the circumstances. Your feelings are normal and you may be thinking such thoughts as, it could happen again, rage that it happened at all, and between bouts of being overwhelmed, thinking you can't go on.

Remember that everyone who's ever gotten over a loss at some point thought she or he wouldn't. But you will. And you'll find that you still have that ability to open your heart and love.

Releasing Feelings of Rejection Aid
in Healing A Broken Heart

These are a few suggestions:

(1) It is important to release feelings of rejection and lack of love because those are the feelings that are causing you so much pain now. You are projecting your emotions onto the loved one that has left you.

(2) It is important to discover all the painful emotions from your childhood, you need to go back there and to find out the situations that caused you so much pain.

(3) Then, release all of the painful emotions from those forgotten situations because they are in your subconscious and in your cellular memory.

If you need help with this process, I am available through online spiritual counseling.

Releasing Negative Emotions Is Important
in Healing a Broken Heart

Learn my technique in releasing negative emotions at letting go of anger and other toxic emotions.

In your healing a broken heart process it is important to forgive in any hurtful situation. You need to forgive both yourself and the one who hurt you - yourself for carrying the hurt and the other for his or her behavior. Once you can forgive, you have started the process of healing.

Without forgiveness, you cannot move forward. This does not mean that you accept the behavior of the one who has hurt you, but you need to forgive in order to heal yourself.

If you are having trouble forgiving, take a look at Denise Linn's book "If I can Forgive, So Can You". She gives helpful suggestions for you to move forward through the process.

The second step in healing a broken heart involves going within and asking yourself these very important questions,

“Why am I feeling so much pain? Why do I attract people that are always hurting me? Maybe it has something to do with my childhood?”

If you really want to go into depth about your painful emotions, you can go back and review your childhood relationships with your family.

Painful Emotions From Your Childhood Could
Prevent You From Healing a Broken Heart

Now you must go back and figure out what happened in your past when you were a child - something that was so painful you blocked your feelings for protection.

Perhaps you were rejected by your mother or father, siblings or an aunt, or any care giver, and you swallowed these feelings of rejection which are being triggered by your betrayal at this time in your life. Maybe you didn’t receive the love that you craved as a child and which you crave now in your relationships. In healing a broken heart, you need to re-vist those painful situations and to let go of hurtful memories to allow postive and new feelings to emerge.

I am not suggesting that you are not supposed to feel the pain of hurt and betrayal when someone has hurt your feelings, but if you are hanging onto these negative feelings for a long time, there comes a time in healing a broken heart to let them go.

Releasing painful and negative emotions is part of the healing process in order for you to experience joy and happiness in your life, and very importantly to be able to have a loving relationship.

Blocked Negative Emotions Cause Pain

These negative emotions get blocked somewhere in your body and cause you physical pain, such as pain in a broken heart.

Healing a broken heart is important if you want to have a healthy body. The undue stress of your painful emotions on your heart could eventually cause you heart trouble down the road. So it is important to release these negative emotions now so that you can move forward into a new relationship.

I will emphasize again the important stages of healing a broken heart:

  • the first most important part of healing a broken heart is forgiveness, not only of the person who hurt you but also yourself for carrying painful and hidden emotions within yourself for such a long time;
  • the second important stage involves examining your own behavior - the causes and why you tend to choose those who hurt you.
  • the third stage involves moving on and using the suggestions listed near the beginning of this page.

Related Content concerning Physical Healing available in 3rd column

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