Hearing Voices from Next Door
(San Diego, CA)
First! My English is not that good. I will try my best to tell you my experience.
I have been depressed before and I found out that it comes and goes then 4 years ago I was depressed and tried to take sleeping pills, but I did not die. I was mad cause I wanted to end my life.
My husband is in the Navy so we're moving all the time. Our family lives in San Diego. At that time I was living in NC with my husband. At that time I found out I have been depressed for three years and I was not happy at all. After 4 years we moved back to San Diego, but they sent my husband to TX for school.
I live with my family and I went to school to become a CNA. I have no skills at all, that's the only job I think I can do. I feel wrothless all the time and low-selfesteem. I feel ugly and fat all the time. When I was in San Diego I listened to my friend and she told me a quick way to be skinny so I took diet pills for 2-3 weeks.
Then one morning I wake up and I hear voices. I heard next door that people want to get me and they called me names, and tell me that I hate black people, but none of that is true because some of my friends at school are black.
What's going on? I looked outside no one is there. They are three to four people who start yelling at me. I do not know what to do. I was scared and I thought that if I die they will leave me alone.
Then I took a lot of antidepressant pills the 2nd time I tried to kill myself, but I'm still alive and not dead. OMG the voices were strong. My friend took me to the hospital. I stayed there less than a week. I have not finished school yet so I begged the DR to let me go, but she said that I should stay in the hospital. But I did not listen to her.
Yes, I went back to finish my schooling, but It was hard because I hear voices everyday in the class and every time someone look at me I will feel like they are one of person's whose voice i heqr.
After that I checked into the clinic and th doctor tried to find the right meds for me. All the meds that I took made me feel so sick that sometimes cannot sleep at all.
But the voices keep coming back and I have strong mind. After school I found a job, but It was not easy at all, I still hear voices. They are mean and I feel like some people (the voices) are watching me and make fun of me.
I know I still have to pay my car payments so I have to keep working. I cry in the car everyday. No one knows. One night I wake up 3 am in the morning I hear from the next door someone yelling at me with a lot of hate in them. I do not know if it's real or not. My husband told me that there is no one outside.
I feel like they are going to come and get me because they said I hate black people, they are going to do something to me. Here! As a kind person (me) I never hate anybody.
Then my doctor raised my dosge. After I left my company, I had less stress. Voices come down again. I believe they are still there, but I try my best to block them with TV or music. I used to listen to music at night to help me to sleep, but my husband did not like that. He said that music makes him stay awake.
So I tried to listen to my breathing with no music and it helped because I changed companies and I am more happier.
It's only been one year and the voices got smaller, but now they're back again. Yesterday at work I could not function. I hear voices calling me. I am so tired, I started feeling depressed again. the doctor gave me antidpressant pills, but she told me for my case it's different. Too much antidepressant meds will bring the voices back.
I guess it came true because the voices are back again from next door. I do not know if it's real or not.
What should I do? sometimes I wish I could go next door and tell them to stop spying on me and to listen to what I am doing.
What if I am wrong, what if there are not real. Right now, I want to say something to them, but my mind tells me do not do that. I want them to go away. I want to ask them, "Would you leave me alone, what if I kill myself?
I have six days off right now. I hope haldo will work.