How To Control Anger

In learning how to control anger, you need to be in touch with your emotions.

If you avoid acknowledging your anger issues, the pain underlying your anger will fester and cause illness in your body causing many health problems later on.

I have been advised through my spiritual guide, due to my ability of hearing voices, to write about anger since it is a very debilitating emotion that affects most people in the world today. For more information go to anger problems.

Your emotions are a part of who you are, and they are there to help you to discover yourself.

We spend years learning a craft, and studying for a university degree in a specialized field, but we know so little about ourselves, and the underlying causes of our behaviour.

To learn more about your emotions, read what are emotions.

If you are learning how to control anger, it is a signal that you or the one who is angry is in trouble and in pain.

If you have or know someone who has anger problems, you must realize that there is serious hurt underlying the anger.

What is important, and this is difficult the first time, is to stop yourself immediately when you feel at the boiling point, before you say anything. Breathe deeply, and feel the pain of whatever is causing the anger.

Learn To Relax

Try meditating, or learn how by taking yoga or a low-impact exercise class which will teach you how to meditate and to listen to your body.

In yoga for instance you will learn simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, that will help calm down angry feelings.

There are many books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can use them in any stressful situation.

Here are simple steps you can try that will prepare you for meditation:

• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; when you breathe from your chest it is shallow breathing which will not relax you. Imagine your breath coming up from your "gut."

• Feel the air filling your lungs and diaphragm and as you do so, repeat a calming word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Keep repeating this to yourself while breathing deeply.

• You can also use imagery where you picture yourself in a relaxing atmosphere where you feel safe and at ease, from either your memory or your imagination.

• Try slow yoga-like exercises which will relax your muscles and help to make you feel much calmer.

  Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.

In Learning How To Control Anger, Change Your Thoughts

Change the way you think when you are angry, especially if you are cursing, swearing, or feeling vindictive towards the person or situation. At this time, your thinking becomes very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Catch yourself when you are in this state and replace your negative thoughts with more rational ones.

For instance, instead of telling yourself,

"That person drives me crazy", "I’m going to get even", instead tell yourself,

"This is frustrating and I have a right to be angry, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it."

Do not use words such as "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This d--- machine never works," or "You're always forgetting things" are not accurate, but they make you feel that your anger is justified. These words alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to help you.

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything; it will only make you feel worse.

Use logic on yourself. Logical thinking will defeat your anger because anger is an emotion which can quickly become irrational.

Also, remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," that "you are not a victim". You are experiencing problems of daily living that we all go through. It’s how you handle a tough situation that is important.

If you tend to be angry when things don’t go your way, you need to become aware of your demanding nature and translate your expectations into desires. In other words, say, "I would like" something rather than, "I demand" or "I must have" something.

In learning how to control anger, you will see the difference when you're unable to get what you want. You will then experience normal reactions such as frustration, disappointment, and hurt but, not anger.

Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away. If this is the case, you will need to explore your reasons for the hurt that’s underlying your anger. You can also get help in learning how to control anger through online spiritual counseling.

How To Control Anger Involves Problem Solving

Sometimes, anger and frustration are caused by real and inescapable problems in our lives, and is often a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. Cultural beliefs teach us that every problem has a solution, but this belief only adds to our frustration when we find out that this isn't always the case.

In this situation, do not focus on finding the solution, but rather on how to handle and face the problem.

Your attitude is important. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Give it your best, but do not punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you approach the situation with your best intentions and efforts and face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking where you start to punish yourself.

Some things are just out of our hands, and at this point it is a good policy to just "let go and let God" handle the situation.

How To control Anger Involves Better Communication

It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back.

For example, when you are in a heated discussion, slow down and think through your responses. In learning how to control your anger, it's important not to jump to conclusions and say the first thing that comes into your head, think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

Also try and figure out what is underlying your anger.

Listen to what is the underlying message of the other person's words: perhaps the other person feels insecure and is using control to feel powerful and accepted. This may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may take some time, but don't let your anger or a partner's let a discussion or a situation spin out of control.

How To Control Anger Involves Using Humor

Silly humor can help defuse anger in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like and this will diffuse your anger and will help to ease tense situation.

Keep breathing and concentrate on breathing. If necessary, walk away from what is causing the anger (person or situation); you can deal with it later when you have calmed down. If you don’t walk away, you may regret what you say. Anger is very selfish, destructive and controlling. It is very difficult to undo harsh words which you may later regret.

Keep breathing deeply. Sit down if you have to.

Feel whatever is going on in your body. Then, if you can, try and pinpoint where you are feeling the sensations in your body. It could be in your heart, your stomach, your back, your neck wherever it is, that is the area where the emotion(s) is/are blocked.

I understand and know that this is difficult. I’ve had personal experience with doing this practice. You may feel like crying – that is okay. Crying is good! It is healing. This is a critical point in your healing process so don’t try and stop the tears.

It is very necessary to cry if you feel like crying. That’s why it is important to walk away and be alone with your emotions. No one may understand what you are feeling or going through at this time. If you have to, lock yourself in the bathroom or wherever to have privacy.

If it is necessary, take anger management courses in learning how to control anger. But at some point, it is important to go within, and to feel the pain or disappointment or jealousy or whatever is causing the anger. When you start to feel where anger or another toxic emotion is hurting in your body, the healing process begins.

Anger is the outwards manifestation of what is going on within yourself, and it is a warning. Remember,

WHEN YOU HEAL YOUR EMOTIONS, YOUR HEAL YOUR BODY!

If you don’t start doing your inner work, you may suffer some debilitating disease in the future.

We are here on earth to learn our lessons, and for those who have anger problems, it is one of your lessons. The cause of your anger will keep festering until you release the pain underlying your anger.

Here are important pages to read concerning your health:

cleansing
spiritual wellness

Here are some other interesting articles about anger; you can find out about the cause of anger, and how to deal with anger. and also how anger affects your health in anger and health.

If you need help with the cause of your anger, and to learn how to release it in a therapy session, you can contact me at online spiritual counseling.

By telephone, I am able through your vibrations to find the root cause of your anger and then help you to release it from your body.

Return to what is anger from this how to control anger page