How To Control Anger And
Save Your Relationships

Before you can learn how to control anger, you need to be aware of your reactions and your emotions, and to realize that you are angry.  If you are, this is a warning signal.

If you avoid acknowledging that you have anger problems, the pain underlying your anger will only fester and cause illness in your body causing many health problems later on.

"Anger is the most dangerous emotion." "You will kill yourself one day at a time if you allow anger into your life! " Said Dr. Charles Stanley from

In Touch Ministries

I have been advised through my spiritual guide, due to my ability of hearing voices, to write about anger since it is a very debilitating emotion that affects most people in the world today.

Take Charge by Understanding Your Emotions

You may not even realize that you are angry because you are reacting to situations.

When you feel sensations in your body such as in your stomach or heart or neck and shoulders, or even have migraine headaches, you need to recognize these signals and go within and see why you are having these sensations.

For example, when  angry some people may hunch their shoulders, or tense their jaw or brow. At this time the body is telling you something. You may think that you are not angry but your body is telling you otherwise.

6 Ways in Learning How To Control Anger

how-to-control-angerAngry Woman

Is this you, screaming and yelling when angry?

Your emotions are a part of who you are, and they are there to help you to discover yourself.

We spend years learning a craft, and studying for a university degree in a specialized field, but we know so little about ourselves, and the underlying causes of our behaviour.

1)  How To control Anger by  Realizing That Anger Is A Signal of Distress

Before you can claim victory over anger, you have to ask yourself these very important questions. I know they are difficult, but you need to do this if you want to tackle your anger, write them down and also write down your responses:

  • Identify it -  What is the source of my anger? Is it something that happened in the past that I didn't deal with? Am I angry with myself?
  • Be Willing to Confess to it. - Why am I still angry?
  • Clarify your Feelings -  Do I feel rejected? Do I fear getting involved? Do I have needs that haven't been met?

If you are learning how to control anger, it is a signal that you or the one who is angry is in trouble and in pain, you must realize that there is serious hurt underlying the anger.

What is important, this is difficult the first time, is to stop yourself immediately when you're at the boiling point, before you say anything.

Breathe deeply, and feel the pain of whatever is causing the anger.

2)  How To control Anger Through Meditation

How to Meditate - Try meditating, taking yoga or a low-impact exercise class which will teach you how to meditate and to listen to your body.

In yoga for instance you will learn simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, that will help calm down angry feelings.

Or, find a book that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can use them in any stressful situation.

Here are simple steps you can try that will prepare you for meditation: read one minute meditation

  • Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm;
  • Feel the air filling your lungs and diaphragm and as you do so, repeat a calming word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy."
  • You can also use imagery where you picture yourself in a relaxing atmosphere

3)  How To Control Anger by Changing Your Thoughts

  • Change the way you think and feel when you are angry, especially if you are feeling rejected and you are cursing, swearing, or feeling vindictive towards the person or situation. At this time, your thinking becomes very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Catch yourself and replace your negative thoughts with more rational ones.

For instance, instead of telling yourself,

"That person drives me crazy", "I’m going to get even", say

"This is frustrating and I have a right to be angry, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it."

  • Do not allow your anger to turn into hatred of the perpetrator(s) themselves, but rather use the power of your mind to help concentrate your focus on manifesting the world we wish to see around us. This is taken from Why the Power of the Mind Over Matter is Important.
  • Do not use words such as "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This d--- machine never works," or "You're always forgetting things" are not accurate, but they make you feel that your anger is justified. These words alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to help you.
  • Remind yourself that your anger is not going to fix anything and will only make you feel worse.
  • Use logic on yourself. Logical thinking will defeat your anger because anger is an emotion which can quickly become irrational.
  • Also, remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," that "you are not a victim". You are experiencing problems of daily living that we all go through. It’s how you handle a tough situation that is important.
  • If you tend to be angry when things don’t go your way, become aware of your demanding nature and your expectations. In other words, say, "I would like" something rather than, "I demand" or "I must have" something.

Once you change your mind set when you're unable to get what you want, you will then experience normal reactions such as frustration, disappointment, and hurt, not anger.

Some angry people use anger as a shield to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away. If this is the case, you will need to explore your reasons for the hurt that’s underlying your anger and then to release it.

You can also get help in learning how to control anger through  counseling.

4)  How To Control Anger by Solving Problems 

  • Sometimes, anger and frustration are caused by real and inescapable problems in our lives, and is often a healthy, natural response to these difficulties.

In this situation, do not focus on finding the solution, but rather on how to handle and face the problem immediately.

  • Your attitude is important. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Give it your best, but do not punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you approach the situation with your best intentions and efforts and face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking where you start to punish yourself.

Some things are just out of our hands, and at this point it is a good policy to just "let go and let God" handle the situation.

5) How To control Anger with Better Communication Skills

  • It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back.

For example, when you are in a heated discussion, slow down and think through your responses. In learning how to control your anger, it's important not to jump to conclusions and say the first thing that comes into your head, think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

  • Also try and figure out what is underlying your anger.
  • Listen to what is the underlying message of the other person's words: perhaps the other person feels insecure and is using control to feel powerful and accepted. This may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may take some time, but don't let your anger or a partner's let a discussion or a situation spin out of control.

6)  How To Control Anger Using Humor

Silly humor can help defuse anger in a number of ways, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like and this will diffuse your anger and will help to ease tense situation.

 Breathing Deeply Is Important

  • Keep breathing and concentrate on breathing. If necessary, walk away from what is causing the anger (person or situation); you can deal with it later when you have calmed down. If you don’t walk away, you may regret what you say. Anger is very selfish, destructive and controlling and it is very difficult to undo harsh words which you may later regret.

  • Keep breathing deeply. Sit down if you have to.
  • Feel whatever is going on in your body. Then, if you can, try and pinpoint where you are feeling the sensations in your body. It could be in your heart, your stomach, your back, your neck wherever it is, that is the area where the emotion(s) is/are blocked.

Feel The Pain Under The Anger!

I understand and know that this is difficult. I’ve had personal experience with doing this practice. You may feel like crying – that is okay. Crying is good! It is healing. This is a critical point in your healing process so don’t try and stop the tears.

It is very necessary to cry if you feel like crying. That’s why it is important to walk away and be alone with your emotions. No one may understand what you are feeling or going through at this time. If you have to, lock yourself in the bathroom or wherever for privacy.

If it is necessary, take anger management courses in learning how to control anger. But at some point, it is important to go within, and to feel the pain or disappointment or jealousy or whatever is causing the anger, otherwise your anger will lead to illness. When you start to feel where anger or another toxic emotion is hurting in your body, the healing process begins.

Anger is the outwards manifestation of what is going on within yourself, and it is a warning. Remember



Blocked Negative Emotions Cause Illness

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