How To Discern If He Is My Twin Flame
(Toledo, Ohio )
I am 45 years of age. I met him when I was 16 years old and he was 18. We met during his high school senior trip in Canada and I was attending a Church trip with my grandmother.
Our connection to each other was an immediate attraction. He said he would contact me when we returned from our trip. We both lived in seperate cities, only 1 hour away. I did not think he would call and he did.
We began dating and our relationship blossomed into the most beautiful friendship one could imagine. We wrote often and were able to see each other over the summer months when I would catch the bus and spend the weekends with his family and he did the same.
We could not believe how supportive our parents were at that time, allowing us to spend the nights in their homes. They trusted us and we never violated their trust. We were very attracted to each other sexually, but did not enagage in sexual activity with each other. Our love grew very deeply.
In the Fall of that year, he went away to college in Boston. I remained home attending high school in the 11th grade at that time. We fell in love, continued to write and in one of his letters, he expressed his desire to marry me.
We never, argued or became angry with one another. He went away to college for only one year. When he returned, we would continue our visits. He escorted me to my senior dance and prom.
By this time, I had fallen immensely in love with him. For some reason, we never found reason to argue or become angry with each other. We had a very rich and meaning friendship.
When he was a young man, I noticed he was beginning to change...trying to find himself. He suggested we start seeing other people to see if we were really meant for each other. I did not agree but knew it was out of my control.
This was the first time I begain to experience a great deal of pain in our relationship. We had dated nearly 2 1/2 years. The distance and expensive long distance calling was creating a major problem in our relationship. I loved him so much and could not imagine my life with out him.
He was truly my best friend. I loved him so much, I could not imagine ever causing harm to him by breaking his heart as he had broken mine. After a few attempts to restore the love, he was gone. He shared with me he had found someone else.
I was devasted, depressed and as a young person, I felt for the fist time what it was like to feel adult-like emotional pain. I was also still a virgin.
After about two years later, I had my own car and my friend and I drove to his town just to take a ride. It's a large metropolitan city. I decided to go to a pay phone and call to see how he was doing.
The news I received brought tears to my eyes for a long time. His father shared with me he had married and he and his family (kid) moved out of town. I thought I was going to die and literally I wanted to.
I asked my friend if we could go back home because the news was too much for me to handle. I remained depressed for a long while...vowing never to attempt contact with him again. It felt as if he had literally died from the face of this earth. I knew our chances of being together would never happen again.
He and I are of the same astrological sign (Capricorn) and once married, we are likely to remain committed to family for the duration. I eventually moved on and completed my undergraduate studies and moved to another city to work. To my surprise, about 4 years later, I heard from him when I came home to visit my parents, and he called their home. We spoke very briefly and he shared with me about his marriage, new found religion and children.
He had moved South...much further away. He asked for my address and to my surprise wrote me an 8 page letter about staying healthy and eating right and about all he has learned during his journey. I never wrote him back.
I moved back home to start graduate school, but this time with a boyfriend who became my husband. I heard from him again 2 months before my wedding the same year I moved home. He called my parents and I just happened to
be there again. We spoke very briefly and he told me about the loss of his mother, which greatly saddened me. I expressed my condolences and shared the news of my wedding.
At this time, he had been married for 9 years.
Each time I heard from him, I was very happy to hear from him and very happy for him. I was able to move forward in my life without anger towards him...just grief from his loss in my life.
I never heard from him again, until nearly 2 years ago. He found me on facebook. I never used facebook as my husband decided to set me up. I accepted his invitation to be friends and for the first time, we spoke over the phone about our relationship. He apologized for hurting me and could not bring himself to tell me he had gotten married, but knew someday he would. He told me when he heard of my marriage, it made him very sad.
We shared our life experiences and spoke of how we were of one other. I went on to receive my Ph.D in Social Work and he is a very proud father of 5, taking care of his family. It brought closure to the pain I experienced so long ago and had supressed in my heart.
We talked in length for nearly a week reminiscing and sharing good memories until our spouses found out of our communication. I told my husband because I wanted the both of them to meet. During our talks, we shared that we loved each other as special friends. We crossed the line a litte, expressing confusion of our feelings, but immediately putting them in perspective.
My husband believes I still have deep rooted feelings for this first-love from nearly 30 years ago. His wife also aked that we stop communicating. We are still trying to honor their request. We speak on a few occasions, never by e-mail or texting. Just plan old phone contacts to say hello.
We do not talk about love or relationships, just checking on one another. He has now been married for 25 years and me 16 and I have 2 small children. We both have children virtually the same age.
Since then, I have experienced a tremendous amount of spiritual awakening, attempting to change and be the best I can be for the good of society. I feel a deep connection to him and I believe we have communicated soul to soul.
A few times, I have thought of him and called the next day. Lately, he seems to be more distant. I don't feel him as close. In my prayers for him, I ask that he continues to be the loving husband to his wife and loving father to his children. That's the way I have always imagined him to be and he has not compromised his life to be any different.
When we spoke for the first time nearly 2 years ago, it was if we were those young kids in love again - it was as if we were never seperated. Neither of us has changed much at all.
Since this re-connection, I feel an intense amount of lonliness and loss. I feel empty despite my husband in my life. When he contacted me nearly 2 years ago, my husband and I were becomming very distant and I was very sad and lonely.
He seems to appear in my life during very important times...my wedding, times of despair etc...
When I asked if our separation was due to me not being ready for sex, his response was as poetic as they come. He said, "You made love to me in your own way".
I refuse to call now because I need to respect his wife's wishes. My husband never brings him up anymore. We have talked about our families meeting someday, but for now it may never happen.
He and I have not seen each other in nearly 30 years and my heart aches daily. When I look for him in spirit, I fear his wife's spirit will appear and then I begin to feel ashamed. I would never want to cause her pain.
I have asked him in spirit why he hurt me so and I seem to have a voice say, "I, too, have debts to pay".
Maybe my love for him at that time would have blinded me from spritual growth because I was too emotionally dependent on him. Our lives together would not have spritually matured although the love was pure, real, and healthy.
Using your spritual intuition or asking Angelic guidance, could this be a Twin Flame experience or a karmic soul mate experience?