Is This Man My Twin Flame?
One year ago I was promoted and started work in a new department. There is a man called James, quite high up in the organisation. I could see that he was very tall and handsome, but I had little interest. This man is married with three kids and he is an elder in his church. One night I dreamt that he was on the pulpit preaching passionately about me. That dream has always stayed with me.
So at work it started with him being in my space a lot, and I was still not interested, I guessed that he was a lothario and I had little interest. Plus it seemed at odds with his marital status and his christianity. About three months in I walked into work and looked directly at him and I was there with him. Lost in his eyes.
After that moment the attraction from my end was deep. I think he was attracted to me, but was still playing his games. After about six months of this things changed. A new girl started in the office and he started paying her attention, I was devastated. Then a new guy started and I started to pay attention to him. I could see that James was upset.
This all went on for a while and a weird kind of bond started to grow to the point that I couldn't get him out of my mind. I was going crazy. At one point he was having so much fun 'chasing' this other woman that I had a meltdown and called him into a room with the intention of telling him my feelings. I bailed at the last minute but then emailed him to tell him how I felt. He reported this to his manager. I was devastated.
After that I avoided him at all costs and started meditating more, but he just wouldn't leave me alone, hanging around, looking at me apologetically. I just couldn't work him out.
This last week the energy has become highly charged and sexual and I have found myself thinking about him constantly only to look up and he is there staring at me. This has happened on a couple of ocassions. It has been so intense. I cannot breathe just thinking about him, regardless of how much he has hurt me.
Once again a new girl has joined our office and is making eyes at him and I have taken this as my cue to go back inside myself and do the work. My low self esteem and feeling of not being good enough caused my meltdown the last time.
Please help me! Who is this man? And why can't I hate him?