I've Known Him My Entire Life.
by L. Anne
As close family friends, our families often socialized. Our fathers had grown up together. He is 6 years older than I, and as a little girl I loved him very much and he always watched over me, never annoyed by me, but I somehow always knew when to leave him alone when his friends were around.
I always had this knowing inside me that he was the love of my life. When I was 12 or 13 I was an awkward girl, but I never felt that way around him.
One evening, I walked past him to get something out of a refrigerator and accidentally bumped into him and it felt like a surge of electricity, but it wasn't static. When I looked at him, he had the same look on his face I must have had, fear, puzzlement, very hard to describe.
I somewhat avoided him after that, although he would catch me looking at him and vice versa. Clearly at that stage of life it was not the appropriate time.
As we grew older, our families drifted farther apart socially, yet remained close trusted friends. I would think about him occasionally, and always seemed to run into him when I needed to.
By this point he started to get successful in his career and I just didn't see how it would ever work. I ran into him right before I was going to get married. When I told him, I saw the sadness deep inside him. I knew I was making a mistake, not because of him, just in general, but I got married anyway. Trying to live up to everyone expectations but my own I guess.
He also was married soon after, and when I would run into him we
both could sense the misery in each other.
One evening the same jolt shot through me, but it wasn't the right time either. When I was getting a divorce, we poured our hearts out to each other, and he admitted to me he couldn't stand his life either. Our attraction and any future plans went unsaid, but I feel was known.
He divorced at the same time, but I wasn't ready to start a relationship immediately. I feel like I needed to heal from my emotional baggage. He gave me hints, but I backed away, I knew it wasn't the right time for me, I needed to heal from what caused me to get into an awful marriage in the first place.
Immediately, he got into a dating relationship with another woman. A woman who I have known for years and I was disgusted, she is at least as superficial as his ex wife, if not more so
Initially I was sad, angry, judgmental, felt like I missed my shot. When he told me, and said he was "happy" I knew he was lying. But the strangest peace came over me when I realized I waited a long time to grow up to be able to be ready for him, so I will wait now for him to grow up to be ready for me. I won't wait for him by stopping my life. I want to grow, live and love.
I wish I could tell him I love him unconditionally, that I don't ever need to "have" him to be mine. But I truly believe, that if he really is my twin flame, he already knows that.
He's on his own journey, as I am mine, and I won't get in his way.