My Limited Time with My Twin Soul
We met 10 years ago. It was magical! We met by chance. The instant I entered the room our eyes locked. Time stopped. Sound didn't exist. It felt like an electrifying, gravitational force, pulling us together. It is the most intense feeling I have ever felt in my life.
No other man has ever made me feel like that. He was the most beautiful person I have ever known -inside & out. Our first date was the very next day after we met. It was just a glorious, angelic day. We walked around. Fed animals at the park, something we both have always enjoyed doing. We both have always shared a love and bond with animals and nature.
It felt like our souls catching up, not like getting to know each other. We dated on and off for a few years. We didn't put labels on the relationship. We just knew we had a deeper connection in our souls; there was no need to put stress on the relationship. We exchanged love letters for a while. It continues to be the most pure, yet sensual relationship I have ever experienced. We were very affectionate always, but only made love 2 times. There wasn't a sexual demand or urgency to it.
After a few years though, ego’s came into play and it was me who overreacted to a ridiculous incident. When he called to apologize I hung up on him and he didn’t call me back. 6 months later he sent me a letter. I didn’t reply.
Sometime later, about a year...I had a new boyfriend. My twin soul called for the final time and my boyfriend happened to be right there, and felt the need to shout and be insecure over him calling. To appease my boyfriend I was mean and told him “don’t call here again” and never heard from him again.
I looked him up on social media for 5 years and couldn’t find him anywhere. I managed to find his brother, and searched his friends list with no sign of my twin. I just figured after a while that he didn’t have an account. His cousin used to be my friend, back when I met him. When I met him I went with my mother and my friend for some family gathering of hers. It was totally out of character for me. I was 16 and never went with my mother anywhere. That’s where we met. After some time the friend and I completely lost touch and I had some bitterness toward her, a completely separate issue and had nothing at all to do with my twin soul. My twin and I had our own exclusive relationship that never included her. I hadn’t spoken to her in as long as I hadn’t spoken to my twin.
The friend requested me out of the blue the night he died. I was up late, which is out of character for me since I work early in the morning. That whole night was just not my normal routine. I was up at 12:30 am (around the precise moment he died) listening to Frank Sinatra’s “Come Fly With Me” - what? I never listen to Sinatra...though I have always loved his voice. Something compelled me to search for and listen to that song.
When I woke up the next morning, I had no idea my twin was deceased, but my 1st thought was to accept the request. I waited for her to make first contact all day and when she finally did around 10:30 that night it was a message stating my twin had passed away earlier, around 12:30 that morning.
What is really strange is that his date of death, (the month and day) has always stood out to me. Since I was a kid I just always favored that date; I imagined I would have a child, or get married on this date. Little did I know it would be the date of the death of somebody so special to me. I had a dream with him 3 days after he died. His face and hands lit by candlelight. I was sobbing, apologizing, explaining. He said, "I understand, It’s ok, I know."
I woke up and I felt an incredible peace and joy. I put my alarm clock on snooze, consciously said "I just need 5 more minutes with him," and was able to continue the dream. Embrace him. Hug and kiss him.
I had a few more dreams with him. Mostly cuddling and kissing. I can feel him. His body against mine; his lips against mine. I can pick up his hand and place it where I want it to be. I can feel his presence often. I feel like he is watching over me.
I found his facebook page the day of his funeral. His brother had been a friend of his for a couple of years. I’m confused as to why I was never able to find it, as I searched for five years. I am a good detective on the computer, it’s mind blowing that I could miss him.
It did feel like a blessing, because the letters he sent me were thrown away, without my knowledge, by my boyfriend ... along with the few pictures he gave me of him. I was able to get pictures off of his page. Otherwise, I would have absolutely nothing physical to remember him by.
Even though he’s dead and our last words were hostile, I can feel his love. I can feel him kiss me good night, stroke my hair as I fall asleep. It’s a connection like no other and it hurts my soul that he’s not physically here anymore.
All I can say to anybody is watch your last words. You are left holding the burden. A man that I loved more than anyone died thinking I didn’t want him to call me anymore. This is the most painful experience anybody could ask for.