The Voices in My Head Have Boggled My Mind!
My mind feels like it is in high speed overload and spinning in giant circles! I need to share this experience, but who do you talk to about voices in your head?
(Thank you) for having this experience section for people to write in!
Today I went to the funeral of a friend. He wasn’t a dear friend, but his aunt and I have been friends for many years. I actually wasn’t going to go to the service, as that would mean I lock my business down for a couple hours, and not an ideal thing to when one is trying to build up a new business.
BUT I have been nagged by a voice, which isn’t really even an audible voice, more like thoughts that come from somewhere else and wind up in my head, it isn’t a man's or woman's voice either. However I do “interact” with these thoughts/voices.
Last night as I was closing my store after a few days of going back-and-forth with the voice, I wrote a sign and placed it on my door, stating I would be closed for a bit for a funeral tomorrow.
I went to the funeral and found out there would be a graveside service, too, following the funeral service as I was pulling into the parking lot. The 1st attendant asked if I would be going to the graveside, I was going to say "NO", but the voice said "YES". So I said yes.
Now mind you I was not that close to this person and really didn’t think my attending was necessary.
Inside I notice the brother of the widow, I know him, his name is Doug. My voice starts chatting to me, telling me who that was, of course I KNEW WHO IT WAS. So this begins “our” inter-dialog for the afternoon.
BUT today, I knew my voice, it was a really good friend and co-worker who had passed away last December it was Gary!
The officiate tells us how kind the deceased & his widow were for taking Doug in and how Doug has been clean for 6 months. The voice (Gary) instructs me to tell Doug, how proud he is of him and to “stay the course”. You see while Gary was alive had tried numerous times to get Doug into the program and get him clean.
I begin getting anxious, telling Gary I am NOT going to do that. Thinking I must crazy to be having this conversation… I am getting more freaked out as the time passes. I tell Gary I will wait and talk to Doug after all the services are complete, at the reception part.
Well Gary wouldn’t let it go, so after the graveside was done, I walked up to Doug and said to him,
"Hi Doug," (as I gave him a hug)
I told him that Gary is very proud of you and wants you to stay the course!
YEAH, You can imagine the look on his face. He asked who I was, I reminded him where I know him from and remembered. Then he asked, "WHO said he was proud of me?"
I said, "Gary, you know Gary So & So.." I said I KNOW he passed away in December, but he wanted me to tell you this.
Doug is a bit blown away and he then says to me, it is because of Gary that I got clean and has stayed that way this time. I said I know, and he wants you to know he is proud of you, so Gary knows too.
OK, so for a second I feel like I have done my good-deed for the day and figure Ill head to work now (skip the reception) BUT, little did I know Gary wasn’t done with me.
Almost instantly, he tells me to go see HIS widow and tell her that he has faith in her; he knows she is strong on the inside and she will be ok, and that he is with her and he loves her.
I am saying, "NO WAY.. I need to go to work this is craziness."
I have let my wild thoughts get away from me, this is pure insanity!!!!! I drive into my home town, arguing with Gary insisting I need to go to work!!! I tried to reason..later I would tell her what the message was. But he persuades me to drive to their house and talk to his wife. I have goose bumps.. I stand at her gate, I have been crying.. I tell her I need to talk to her, she invites me in offers me a seat, but I can't sit.. I am really crying, trying to explain to her all the s... that has happened today to this moment and that Gary wanted me to come tell her these things...she covers her mouth and asks me to clarify what I was saying.. so I tell her,
"Gary wants you to know this..."
She sits on the couch sobbing and I am trying to figure out what is going on, but I am relieved. Gary is relieved and his widow once she is calmed a bit thanks me!!
She said that this morning she kept asking Gary if what she was doing (moving to the other side of the state to live by her daughter /son-in-law & grand-daughter) was the right thing to do today.
She was so unsure of what to do, she needed to know what Gary thought… after she told me this... I or Gary one... said,
"WELL you have your answer.. GO!"
It is 7 hours later and I am still freaked out, still having moments of crying I cannot absorb everything that took place today...it is so surreal...I needed to share...