Twin Flame? I Need To Move Forward, Please Help...
(El Cajon, California, USA)
I was guided to find him.
I typed his name and he was the first one I came across. He asked me if he knew me from somewhere and I said no.
We kept in contact, during that time he was going through a separation from his wife and moved back onto the ship. He was deployed a month after I met him. After 7 months of deployment he came back.
Being away gave him time to think about his situation. I was supposed to be just his friend to support him through the separation. After he came back he decided divorce would be it, I will say I am sincere and I did not influence his decision. If anything I encouraged him to work it out with his wife.
Our conversations were always deep and as time went on they became more intense. When we decided to meet for the first time is when it all changed. I picked him up from base because that's where he was staying after he came back from deployment.
We both wanted a quiet evening, dinner, and maybe sex. After all it was just supposed to be two adults fulfilling a sexual desire and to feel the closeness of another individual. When he got into my car I noticed his strong manly body, I was small compared to him. When I took one look in his blue eyes, I felt he was the one for me.
Anyways, nothing happened that night. No sex, I mean, nice dinner that I cooked and good conversation. We slept like babies and not a moment went by that night that I didn't embrace. He held onto me and I held onto him till morning. I never in my life experienced closeness.
We continued to see each other after that. I Remember a week and a half went by and all of a sudden it bloomed. I was in love with him and I didn't know how it happened. I felt intense energy flow in my heart chakra. I was in heaven because I knew I was going through a spiritual connection as he also felt the soul connection. We both agreed.
There were times when we held hands or when he held my body, the flow of energy was intense throughout our bodies, its like we were vibrating with energy. When he would pull away I would dream of him or I would get signs. He confirmed he did receive signs as well.
I would see or hear his name. Next thing I would knew he would come around. Many times I felt though, I had to let him go. Even though he was separated I felt it was the right thing to do. And I would let him go, but he came right back. I thought well it was meant to be. But, I still felt uneasy.
He spoke of our next steps in life when and if things became more serious, as much as I couldn't believe it was true, I felt complete and whole. I thought I had finally found the love of my life and I was very happy, (considering I have been married,
I was divorced way before he came along and I have children too as well as he does). I know his children are important to him. I had the utmost respect for this man.
Well, I finally did let him go and with that I told him he would be the reason why things will change between him and his wife, I didn't know her, but I respected her too and I wanted what was best for them.
I died inside, I knew I had done the right thing, but the pain was unbearable. I reached out to him months later to ask how he was and he replied and said he was okay, and spoke little about his accomplishments and of himself.
The dreams and signs continued, but I grew weaker and the pain became stronger. I was given a crystal skull by one of the most famous UFO researchers daughter, who happens to have one of the original thirteen skull's. It was a mini crystal skull that was part of the 09-09-09 conference of healing.
I gave it to him to help him sort out his thoughts when he found himself in distress. He didn't want to accept it at first because he knew how much it meant to me. The second time I saw him he brought me gold and silver coins from Malaysia. When i tried to return them, he said "no", because they were for me.
Malaysia is the place he often spoke about as his desired retirement place. we both have kept something that belonged to one another. After 2 years since I last saw him, and not including the 8 months we were talking before, I cannot stop thinking about him. I think of him every day and no one understands the connection we had. I don't know how to deal with it, it's torture to think of him because after all he and his wife have a new child.
I did reach out to him because I needed closure. I didn't get much from him other than, "thank you for being a good friend."
I am convinced we will never be together and I am okay with that. But, I am having a hard time accepting it and I cannot find the same connection with anyone else. It's what I yearn for. I can still feel the energy in and over my heart chakra and the energy increases at times.
But please tell me, what can I do? Nothing brings me joy as those moments I had of awakening. How do I deal with this and why can't I stop thinking about him?
I wish he could just talk to me, but I wouldn't step over my boundaries and interfere in his life with his wife. I know telepathically when something is up with him because I usually find out somehow and its on the same day or a day after.
What do I do? Will I or can I take him out of my heart?
Please help because its keeping me from truly being happy with myself. I love him so much that I cannot imagine I can love or be happy without him.