Twin Flame Questions
I am quite certain that I met my twin flame earlier in my life. It happened when I was 19, in my "Natural Disasters" class on the first day of college in my freshman year. It seems so ironic to me looking back. I have always seen us as a natural disaster!!!
Our connection was instant, deep, insanely passionate, and somewhat surreal. We were almost telepathic when I look back. I will call him B. We were both athletes and many nights we spent all night talking/lovemaking in what has become to me sooooooo unlike any other relationship I can even come close to. I put all my eggs in his basket so to speak and planned on spending the rest of my life with him.
Unfortunately and in my mind, tragically, he was not able to stay faithful. He cheated on me. Because of my deep morals I tried to end the relationship because I could not in good faith return to someone who cheated on me. I tried to stay away, but we were like magnets to each other almost the entire time we were in college. I would always tell him I so wished that we would have met a little later in life when he worked through all this so we could be together. The relationship was like a roller coaster, but our connection was so undeniable. I think the only way we would not be together was if we weren't in the same place.
Two months before graduation I met a guy who I decided was good. And he was. We began a relationship. All while B pursued me through letters trying to get me back. I refused. My morals still got the best of me although I was dying for B. I stayed with the new relationship. It was safe and I couldn't get hurt like the first. We will call him J. J and I continued and I
followed him to California. We married and have 3 children now.
B moved back to Canada where he was from. J and I have always struggled. We love each other deeply but more like a family member than a lover. I feel so so sad that I did this to J. I am quite sure that he probably feels the same towards me.
We will continue our marriage and continue to struggle and work through it. We will continue to work hard to make a good life for our children and for each other. However my heart and soul aches for B.
I always told myself that it would get easier and it has to a degree, but I still dream of B nearly EVERY night. I wonder if B does the same. I do know that B is in a relationship right now. I am curious if we only have one twin flame or if there are multiple? That might be a dumb question. My memories of B are so clear and the short 4 years that we were together, I can remember nearly EVERYTHING! I cannot do that with my life now. It has been over 10 years. I knew even on my wedding day that I was making the wrong choice, but I couldn't stop it.
My next question is...I am not willing to break up or hurt my family in any way and so I will never share this with my spouse. I know that I must have lessons to learn with him. How do I know what those lessons are so that I may get myself to B in the next life sooner? Maybe another crazy question.
And I finally, I don't like feeling this selfish and thinking this much about this other person. I want to focus on being a good person and bettering the world than this.
Please I would love to hear your input. Thank you so much!!!