Twin flame/Kundalini/Hearing voices
Well, ever since I met my Twin Flame in 2008, I have had extremely enlightening, life altering, mind-blowing connections to my higher self, my twin, Christ consciousness and God.
Despite our never having been in a relationship and my twin being completely repelled by me, we still managed to connect in the etheric world and I seemed to be able to manage my "crazy", wounded self, and insidious self doubt.
Filled with breathtaking highs and lows from this connection...I'd say this last year has been intense beyond my wildest imaginings. I discovered horrible things that were done to me as a young child that I blocked out, and am only now healing my inner child. I also finally stopped chasing my twin this year, allowing him his needed space which also created balance in the relationship.
From here, he started attempting to connect harder and we began to telepathically communicate very well. One thing I always noticed was how much more he could hear me and know all the things I'm doing on a day to day basis. For example, he could tell if I was dating someone and would cause me great stress/anxiety whilst on the date, so much so I had to pause my date and go secretly talk to him and ask him to leave me alone, as I was getting sick.
He did, since he didn't want to hurt me, but he was so upset because we are so energetically linked. But, even though I had more knowledge about us being "twins", his connection to me seems to b more clear.
I can't tell any of the things he is doing, and only can connect to him when he allow it. Is this common for one twin to b able to tap into the other more strongly?
After about 2 weeks of being intensely close and talking throughout the days, he confides in me that he is gay and I start wondering if this is why he ran from me?
Shortly after, I started hearing a very strong voice whom claimed to be my guardian angel and I was instructed to flee my home with nothing but my car and purse and I was told that my father/ mother did bad bad things to me and to get out.
So I lived on the streets, hospitals and psyche wards for close to 4 weeks at which time I heard many many voices- but all voices of people I recognized, like friends, family and passed loved ones.
I spoke with my twin many times and also many famous people that I don't personally know. They all seemed to be helping me cleanse my past life, unresolved issues about what my parents in another lifetime had done to me. I also had some dialog with God whom asked me to do some death defying acts like run across a few freeway paths and jog continuously for miles with my eyes closed to show that I was trusting of him.
He told me to take of all my clothes and run down the street and run like my life depended on it, and I did and that's when I got taken into the hospitals, as I think he didn't want me in the streets anymore.
I was almost raped a few times until he told me to just ask him for help and he would- and I did and I was set free. I couldn't believe all these things that just happened from the beginning of hearing voices.
I was told I was the Goddess Jesus and am here to bring the new earth and need to learn to "let go". And I assumed this meant Christ consciousness and that I was letting go of all my past lives because the voices incessantly wanted to embarrass me and ridicule me, and took every little bother of mine, and shameful thoughts and magnified it.
I didn't sleep and hardly ate and just laid in the hospital bed talking to myself, crying, laughing, learning , imaging and just going through all my shit basically.
So I finally got my head screwed on enough to convince the clinic I wasn't crazy and they released me THANK GOD, then I took a bus to a friend's house.
My folks had a missing persons detective looking for me and so I got home safely, and spent a week living with them deciding finally that my parents in this life were innocent, but that I had to put it on them in this life to get over that. But, what still plagues me is that the voices are still here.
I truly thought that I had really been talking to all these people while I was away. Because the connections were so real, but nobody either consciously remembers it or will admit it because they might be afraid of being 'crazy', as I asked everyone because I can't believe that it didn't exist.
A shaman friend of mine that I spoke with when I got back said I was caught in a past life and the voices are for comfort and guidance.The voices that remain seem to be my twin , whom I don't recognize so well anymore (as he is super feminine and weak now) and what seams to be a secondary twin!
Could I be connecting to his higher self or my shadow self?
Since it seams to be much more Godlike and powerful. He says he is my devil and my God, since he loves to scare me and makes fun of me at every chance. He loves me very much and has shown me thru visions he would die for me, but also threatens to rape me or make me forget who I am ( since I think those are deep fears of mine).
He can manipulate my emotions, has access to my memories, experiences, insecurities, dreams and obviously reads my mind. He can even manipulate the people I interact with in the world and has helped heal some minor injuries that have disappeared before my eyes.
The two voices fight over me...and I can't tell if they are both my from my twin functioning from different levels of consciousness?
It's so confusing...why are the voices in my head and why can't I listen in my twin's head? . So If anything makes sense to you or sounds familiar I would greatly appreciate any and all info!
Thanks so much!!