Twin Soul or Infatuation That Needs To End?
by Confused In Calgary
Fifteen years ago, I met a guy who I had the most amazing conversations with..always spiritually focused, centring around books we were reading, things we were learning and around our dreams. He went away to Europe to travel and we lost touch. I went on with my life and honestly didn't think about him again until years later (till this year...).
Eight years ago: I went to a psychic. She said she saw two paths in my life. I would marry a guy with dark curly hair and a beautiful smile. We would have children and a lovely life together. However, she said she saw another path where I'm in New york City with a man who is 6 years older than me.
I went on to marry my boyfriend who fit the first description perfectly- we have 3 kids and, in many ways, our life has been lovely. However, I have always felt emotionally unfed and misunderstood. We are both unfulfilled in deep and obvious ways.
This year I reconnected online with this friend from years ago. I learned that he had gone on to a job in NEW YORK CITY and , as it turns out, he is 6 years older than me. I was reminded of what the psychic had said to me and I felt kinda jolted.
We started out writing emails but, eventually, we started talking on the phone. Our conversations left me feeling exhilarated, happy and inspired. He shared that he had found himself on a spiritual path that year and shared what he described as a "spiritual awakening" story. Our conversations again became centred around the spiritual and there
was an ever present sense of mutual admiration and respect.
Eventually, our voices were electrifying to each other...he felt a peaceful hum and vibration and saw a white light around me. It made him want to draw me as close to him as possible. His voice created the same reaction in me.
I wrote my first song in 5 years, completely inspired by him. It began feeling more and more intimate. I started missing him terribly in between phone visits. He started to feel frustrated, like we were on a ladder to nowhere and pointed out realities: I'm married and we live 4000 km apart. He also started to feel a strong sense of responsibility and a lot of guilt.
A few days ago, he said that we needed to stop our conversations because it just wasn't right. He seemed so detached which was painful. He explained that he had come with full armour on because he knew that talking to me would stir up too many feelings and bring confusion. He said he would miss me, but that this would be our last conversation, perhaps forever.
Since our goodbyes, I have been feeling sad and almost ill but the STRANGEST feeling of all is the sense of electricity that is running through my body at all times. It's uncomfortable and it almost nauseating. I'm unbelievably sad that we are separated. I feel a sense of responsibility to my family to do what I can to heal things with my husband and yet I've experienced a sense of connection that has changed me...
What is the meaning of this?
Any intuition would be so helpful. Thank you.